The Cockrell's Blog

Uncle Doug

marisacockrell — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 03:20:04 +0000

I went home this last weekend for Memorial day and went to my cousin, Blair’s, graduation. It was really neat because they live in a small town, the same town my mom grew up in, called Holland and there were only thirty-something graduates, so they make it really special and fun. It is a 1-A school and they just have a pretty tight nit community. Blair’s dad is my Uncle Doug. He has always been one of my favorite uncles. Doug loves big and is one of the friendliest people you would ever meet. My mom was telling me while we were there about all that Doug and some of his good friends had done in that small community in the last few years. He has such a passion for making things better around him. He, most recently, helped to build a playground for the community. They gather up donations and put in tons of man hours to pull this thing off. My mom was telling me how they had to dig down four feet, figure out where all the concrete posts went, fill it with two feet of rock and then two feet of mulch, and then continue to make the structure on the top. This is all volunteer work on top of his regular job. As she was telling me all of this, I couldn’t help but think how much more a guy like my Uncle Doug looks like Jesus than I do. I am often so selfish with my time. I love people when it is convienient for ME. When is the last time I served someone without expecting anything in return? We wonder why the world doesn’t long to know the God we serve. I think it is because we, often times, act more self-absorbed than they do. I want so much for people to see Jesus in me. Not for my sake, but for them to long to know a God that is far more amazing than any of us “Christians” could ever illustrate. Lord, thank you for continuing to teach this broken vessel what more you want from me. And thank you for Uncle Doug and his heart, his example and his life that challenges me to be a better follower of you.

What I’m thankful for: #3 My man

marisacockrell — Mon, 02 May 2011 02:57:10 +0000

So, tonight I went on an awesome date with my man. We went to my favorite new restaurant, Ruggles Green (shout out to my friend, Shelly, who told me about it), sat outside and talked forever. I just love my man! He is so patient with my love to talk! What is so cool about your spouse is that wherever the Lord takes you in life, they go too. They are your lifelong teammates. And Paul is everything that I am not. He is humble, kind, loyal. He has such integrity. He is a faithful follower. He cares deeply for people. I love how the Lord orchestrated his strengths to make up for my weaknesses and vise versa. There is no one in this entire world I would rather be “one” with. Thank you, Love, for loving me well. For taking me out for an amazing dinner and then buying me a carmel latte to top it all off. Thank you for always trying to stay interested in my story after story after story about every little thing I think about or experience in a day! I Love you!

What I’m thankful for: #2 beautiful weather

marisacockrell — Sat, 30 Apr 2011 02:40:22 +0000

What a beautiful night! How I love being able to sit outside and soak in the beauty of nature. Well, let’s face it. I wasn’t really IN nature. We went to City Center tonight, Paul and I and the two big boys, to watch a movie and then sat outside in the courtyard and let the boys run around on the fake grass. I know I’m sappy, but I feel like I’m back in New York when I sit there amid all of those restaurants and semi-tall buildings. And they had musicians playing and a few vendors out. It is just that feeling I get on a beautiful night, out with my family. The weather just fills me with a pleasant joy. This is urban comfort. I love it!

What I’m thankful for

marisacockrell — Thu, 28 Apr 2011 01:56:59 +0000

Today I am thankful for God’s willingness to use flawed people. I come to the realization so often that I am living, again, apart from Him and in my little world that I go to so often where I am the center of the universe. Sounds like a good place to be until you start feeling sorry for yourself because you don’t have enough stuff to make you happy or your attitude secludes you from others and their needs because you are only concerned about yourself. I hate the fleshly me. The me without Christ. The me I return to over and over again because I fail to plug into the Spirit on a daily basis far too often. I know the Holy Spirit is just dying to use me some days and I’m just sitting at home, filled with myself, ignoring His quiet but patient calls. And when I figure it out, as I did recently, He is there. Of course, He is always there. Oh, how it must frustrate Him to see me struggle, getting all worked up about menial things, when He is concerned about so much more. “You are mine. Act like it. Listen to me! Allow me to use you for MY glory!” here I am, Lord! Use me. Fill me. Send me!

I’m not just a mom!

marisacockrell — Sat, 07 Aug 2010 09:46:43 +0000

Paul and I just celebrated our 10th anniversary this weekend. A couple from our church gifted us a weekend away in Port Aransas, Texas. We were both greatly anticipating this time away for just the two of us. You see, I’ve never been one of those moms that has a hard time leaving her kids for a weekend. I have always prided myself on the fact that I have, what I feel like, are good boundaries in that area because Paul is always who I desire to spend the majority of my time with. It hit me this weekend though. That feeling of longing for my boys, and I was ticked!

Everywhere around us were little kids with their families. I found myself at one point, sitting on the beach, staring at this dad and his two sons playing in the water. The older one was wrestling with the dad and the younger one and then the dad would pick up the younger boy and run from the older one, teasing him and throwing wet sand at him as he ran away. ”Wouldn’t the boys be having so much fun if they were here?” I found myself thinking. “Stop it! You are here as a wife, not a mom!”

And then at the pool, there was this extended family that looked like two sets of cousins were there, and this older boy, about 16, was playing with his younger cousin, I think, who was probably around 10. I found myself daydreaming, yet again, about how that was the age difference between Kaleb and our soon-to-be little one and wondering if Kaleb would enjoy little brother as much as that kid in the pool was enjoying spending time with his cousin. And on it went. And it would have been fine if that is where it ended, but with these two scenarios came a since of longing in me for my babies.

Such is the battle we fight for our marriages at times. I am not just a mom. I am a wife. My husband is my second love (second to the Father) and he deserves my heart, my attention, my devotion. What a fight we face to turn our hearts our husbands’ direction instead of giving them completely to our kids. The Lord established this order for a reason and I know that he honors our efforts towards that end. Usually, I pray before I ever leave town, for God to help me enjoy my time away from my kids to rejuvenate or focus on Paul, and He always answers. I totally forgot to prepare my heart and mind for this weekend, and it was apparent!

Needless to say, everything went amazing in the end. I thoroughly enjoyed my time away with my husband, even if I did kiss my boys a little too much when we got back!

Ladies, hug your man today. He deserves your attention!

Number three – another boy!

marisacockrell — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 02:51:28 +0000

After much anticipation and quite a bit of praying, we found out Monday that our new little one is going to be a boy. I was pretty convinced that we were having a girl. Bringing that desire before the Lord and pouring out my heart to Him, I felt His comfort and peace, telling me, or so I thought, that we were having a girl. We even felt like the Lord led us to a name for her. I was trusting in what I felt was confirmation from God.

To some, this might seem like such a petty thing to have a spiritual struggle over. I have even thought this even while struggling through it! But I know that my boys are called to “leave and cleave” and that it is healthy for them to no longer need me the same once they are married. I know this, pray often for that transition in our future, but also realize that this process of leaving (let’s face it; it’s a process…beginning at puberty and culminating at the wedding) will be painful. It is not the same with most girls. I still call my mom on a regular basis, asking her advice for this recipe, or that problem with the kids, or just to have someone to talk to that doesn’t mind hearing me blab on and on about my nothing stories! This is what I’m grieving. Giving up this little girl that has been in my head this whole pregnancy. I told Paul that I feel like she had to die for our son to be. That is hard. And not having someone to shop with and plan a wedding with and to be one of the primary helps with the first grandbaby. Hard.

So, needless to say, Monday was a tough day for us. And Tuesday. And Wednesday. But God is so good! I told Him I was so angry with Him. Why does this matter so much to Him that He couldn’t just give us the desire of our hearts. Why can’t one thing in our lives just come easily, like we read it out of a storybook? Just ONE THING!? And I kept hearing Him whisper to me, “You Dodos! You have NO IDEA what I have in store for you!” He also, through much conversation with Him in the last few days, has just given me a peace, even, and inkling of joy. And you know what gives me even more joy? Is that He allowed ME to learn this lesson. I love it when He speaks. I love it when He has a message for me. Oh, praise Him!

This morning, we were taught out of Job. My favorite part was at the end, and I knew it was coming, when we start reading God’s response to all of the hullaballoo that has been going on about Job’s suffering. I love this part because I think it shows that the Lord is a little sarcastic. I relate!

”Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me, if you have understatnding. Who determined its measurements – surely you know!……Shall a faultfinder contend with the Almighty? He who argues with God, let him answer it.”

And I can just hear him…..”Who are you, Marisa, to question MY plan for your life? Do you know what your future holds? Do you know what I have planned for your family? Who are you to question ME?!” I love it! He is so right! Oh, I am so thankful for a God who has a plan for me and my family far above and beyond my understanding. That He knows how He is going to use this little one to carry on the gospel of Christ!

Oh, thank you Lord for doing a new thing in Paul and me. Thank you for taking the time, time and again, to teach us more about you, and not only that, but to allow us a peace and joy for this newest blessing in our lives. You are truly a good God!

Our kids’ salvation

marisacockrell — Sun, 18 Jul 2010 22:21:19 +0000

Paul and I have been struggling with the question of how much to push salvation on our kids. Kaleb is six years old, very mature for his age and we are at that time in our lives where we think he is getting close to being ready. Both of us had salvation experiences on our own, devoid of much parental influence. I was ten, my parents not believers, and Paul was 16, brought to church his whole life but never really taught to live out his faith. For me, this allowed such a personal and meaningful experience. I remember feeling empty and then being filled. My life changed and I was grateful, ready to follow hard after this God that called me out of darkness. I was ten. But it was real. We know the impact we have on our sons. The Lord put them in our lives to influence and direct toward Him and a life with Him. So, here in lies the problem: what is the right way to lead them to the cross? With Kaleb, we have told him the plan of salvation. He knows what sin is. He knows there is a payment for that sin, and he knows that Christ has paid that price so that he could have eternal life. But he is not ready. This used to frighten me, but it is so glorious, really! I have heard that we, as Western American Christians, put salvation in our own little pre-packaged box: pray this prayer; walk this isle, and boom, you don’t go to Hell. That is not what I want for my boys! I want them to have a burning passion for the Lord. One that draws them to their knees and causes them to be grateful of God’s free gift! What an honor it is for us to be able to be called sons and daughters of the most high God! That Christ has defeated our fiercest enemy and all we have to do is call on His name to live in that victory. That one day, Satan will be destroyed forever and, as Revelation puts it, “Behold, the dwelling place of God [will be] with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall their be mourning nor crying nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” Now that is a God to fall on your face in front of! Why are we begging our children to accept this God? As if He needed acceptance.

Lord, let us pray instead that our children would long for you! That they would come to a point in their lives that they are desperate for you! This is my prayer for my boys. Lord, let it be so!